Rue started her drug addiction while her father was bedridden, battling cancer. While showing Rue’s upbringing, they show that Rue is clearly the primary caretaker for him despite only being 13. It was beyond inappropriate for her mother to put that kind of responsibility on a child, especially during a time where she’s also having to grieve. She takes her father’s pills out of curiosity, but also to cope with the fact that she has to watch her father die, and also accept it simultaneously. At a time like this, I’m sure she also felt alone with her own thoughts because at that point, all she was useful for was taking care of her father, everyone else forgetting about her needs as well. During the multiple scenes where she is caring for her father, her mother rarely if not never checks up on them, or even decides to take the load off of Rue for a day or a week. While it was clarified and I understand that she was working to pay off his medical bills, Rue is no shape fit to be the caretaker. The more responsible and appropriate approach would be to find a trusted friend or family member if it is too costly for a caretaker. Because of her mother’s irresponsible decision, Rue never truly gets a chance to grieve or allows herself to fully move past the death of her father. Therefore, this issue was never resolved, even years after his death.

Rue had an on and off relationship with the character, Jules. This is initially seen as a cute or puppy love relationship, but gradually shows the toxicity within. Jules tries to act as the mediator in Rue’s life, such as trying to help her with her addiction and putting it into a perspective where she tries to get Rue to become sober for her sake. Rue then becomes emotionally dependent on Jules, which Jules slightly takes advantage of (intentionally or not). This is shown during the scene where Jules convinces Rue to run away with her by train. Rue changes her mind last minute due to not having her medication, Jules expressing that it doesn’t matter. Jules ends up abandoning Rue once Rue ultimately decides to not join her on the train. If any sign before this was not a clear image as to how much Rue emotionally depends on her, this was the final one. Prior to this, Rue has used subtle ways to let her know that she likes her through intimacy (kissing) and slowly opening up to by always being around her, especially while vulnerable. Jules has used Rue’s feelings to her benefit, knowing that Rue will do whatever Jules asks of her as long as she really wants it. She almost exchanges her affection for Rue’s sobriety. Despite showing that she doesn’t truly like her, but only what Rue offers her, she also becomes jealous when Rue alludes to the fact that Jules is not the only person she could or is interested in. Jules always reacts jealously or upset, making her behavior look manipulative and their dynamic in general, toxic.

Besides Jules, Rue has friends such as Maddy, Cassie and Lexi. They all are supportive, but as the show progresses, they begin to see her as only a drug addict and not as a person. This being due to her repeatedly becoming clean then getting hooked on drugs all over again. Despite this being her issue to deal with, she lacked the correct support from her friends to help her get through tough times. They usually either ignore her withdrawal episodes or the moments where she was obviously high. It became such a normal thing, no one chose to step in. This ignorance later turned into judgment because as I said before, they only saw her as their drug addict friend. Therefore, they treated her as such. In Season 2, Episode 5, Rue begins to run around the city to avoid being admitted to rehab once again. She runs into the home of Cassie and Lexi, causing a disruption in a small event they were holding. Rue throws the entire house off her trail through distraction by exposing Cassie for sleeping with Nate Jacobs, who is Maddy’s abusive ex. As Cassie is trying to continue to conceal her secret, she says “Are you really going to believe her? She’s a drug addict!”. She weaponizes Rue’s weak point in order to save herself, yet makes a good point, but loses its meaning or weight because Rue is telling the truth. In this scene, they show genuine concern for Rue, but never show the concern in everyday moments. They seemed to only care once it was too late or in their faces.

The question is, is it really Rue’s fault for being addicted to drugs? No. She lacked the support needed for addicts, let alone teen addicts. Especially with her trying to manage her grief, addiction and puberty changes all at the same time, I can imagine it being tough. She always found herself in deep drama, but she also never received the proper help to get her out of these same situations or help her move forward differently to avoid these social issues. Instead, she is met with distance or gossip that she has always been unaware of. Although Rue accepts the fact that she has pushed people away because of her addiction and how she conducts herself during episodes, it still doesn’t make it right that she does not have a stable support system. Which, that’s if she has a support system in general.

I began dating long before my first heartbreak, but my past relationships have contributed to how I’ve carried myself and how I handle my relationships. They especially contributed to how I experienced my first heartbreak. As I stated before, I think teenage girls, and even women period, have unrealistically high expectations set for them to follow. The double standards surrounding sex are the most relevant. Teenage girls are expected to be the pure beings and virgins of the world. I feel like teenage girls don’t have the correct support system set up for them when it comes to dealing with men. Sure, they have their family as their support system, but what about society as a whole?

Men have been casually preying on girls for years. You have grown men who prey on younger girls, and younger guys preying amongst their own peers. It has become such a normalized thing, brushing it off as “boys being boys,” and instead putting the responsibility onto girls to carry themselves a certain way. If they are mistreated, it somehow becomes their fault. Where is the accountability for the men? Where are the manners? Why are women expected to shelter

themselves in order to keep men in line, instead of men maintaining their own discipline?

Grown men preying on younger girls has not totally been normalized, but the girls they prey on are still blamed for their actions. Complaining about how younger girls wear their hair, their style, their bodies, etc., not realizing that a pervert or a pedophile is going to be a creep by nature. While the girl gets called grown or fast, the man often has the opportunity, if presented, to get off smoothly. The girl is scarred forever.

I believe that virginity is a social structure, and men are the ones who care the most about it. I have come across multiple guys who prefer virgins over non-virgins. You begin to notice that some have their preferences set that way because they believe it gives them emotional leverage over someone with less experience. This is oddly seen as something normal, and almost as if alternative opinions should be adjusted to it.

While this may be considered normal, it can also become predatory. You value a woman’s body so much to the point where it is what’s holding up your entire relationship. Women are expected to assist and cater to a man’s sexual needs. What about the woman’s libido? What if she isn’t horny? I’ve seen multiple men say that they can’t go at least a month without sex, making it almost an obligation to give your body to them. Otherwise, they will find it elsewhere. But if a woman were to say this, then she is a “whore.” Men expect women to have less of an opinion or autonomy than men, some even stating that “women can’t do what men do.”

Despite this being common knowledge, women are still expected to be the ones to control the narrative. Before the man is looked at as the creep, or someone who only wants to take advantage of you, the woman is blamed for allowing herself to trust him before marriage or before being completely sure. Of course, you have the power to decide whether or not you give yourself to a man, but society chooses to prioritize getting a woman’s hormones under control rather than teaching men discipline and empathy.

Before men, your family and peers were the initial culprit. Such as your mother pointing out how your skin looks, laughing while noting how big your thighs have gotten. You don’t see that your thighs are getting bigger, so now you closely watch yourself all the time, wondering if you are really gaining weight. Or you begin to think, “Maybe I could cut back on a few calories.” Instead of being uplifted at this age where puberty hits, and at a point in school where you are likely experiencing adolescent egocentrism, the slightest comment on your appearance or who you are can affect you. You are already becoming insecure and aware that people are just as aware of you as you are of them.

Peer pressure is also a factor. You want to fit in. You want to look like those who are considered desirable, but you feel like it is to no avail. Teenage girls do not get as much credit as they deserve when they successfully push through that sensitive point in their lives. They are also not given as much grace when they fall to these pressures.

Teenage girls, or more specifically pre-teen girls, are more sensitive and vulnerable to peer and societal pressures than older women considering that they have the mind of an adolescent, with a frontal lobe far from being developed. Pressures such as smoking, gaining or losing weight to fit the “standard,” styling your hair in a way everyone else likes even if you don’t like it yourself. For example, in the show Pen15, the main character Maya is labeled as UGIS (Ugliest Girl In School). While in the show she did not do what most teens may realistically do, she could have altered her appearance by dyeing her hair, cutting it, wearing makeup, changing her style, etc., even if that is not what she truly wanted. When girls fall to these pressures, they are instead shamed and blamed for not having the discipline expected of them to fight it, despite doing what a teenager naturally does.

I think young women don’t receive the praise they deserve, and are always at odds with everyone despite proving ourselves time and time again. Women are the ones to take the fall for those who want to avoid accountability and discipline. Despite always taking heat from society, we continue to prove ourselves resilient, even during our most vulnerable moments. We are capable of having minds of our own, and even when we fall to pressures, we are still capable of finding ourselves early on.

so i can stop thinking about you

what’s even the point though

when all i do is write them about you

i wish you could find yourself

then finally,

you’ll be able to find me.

and i’ll be waiting right here

with open arms.

my heart wants what it wants

and i want you

i wish i could get inside of your head

to see if it is me

that you want as well.

no matter how many times

you tell me you want space

you want to be single

have freedom

i try to make a deal with you

i wont take your no for an answer

or maybe im in denial.

ill accidentally spend my entire life waiting

the thought makes me sadder

you talking to me

made me feel like i was on cloud 9

like i was inside of a dream

disregarding all hurt i felt prior.

you brought me right back down to reality

and that the disrespect really happened.

i say the poetry heals me

but in every poem

my sleeve is exposed.

can explain

what’s in my heart.

go ahead

hook me up to a polygraph

ask me if i love him

i say no

why is the polygraph laughing

and sputtering?

why does it sound just like you do?

one day i’ll die

my body will decompose

and the maggots will eat every part of my body

they will have to go through

the layer of affection

you have left on my skin.

please don’t let the maggots

eat at my heart

they will taste only you

but it’s the only thing

that i have left of you.

why are they trying to eat away at my mouth?

i dont want them

to eat every word i didn’t get to say to you.

i want you to hear it.

why won’t you save me?

why won’t you see

that you are everything to me?

you don’t care

i’m too ashamed to continue to tell you

so i’ll let the maggots eat at me anyways.

that i'll find someone better

and it's a million guys out here

but you are the only man that i have ever wanted.

none of it matters

because they can never be you

it hurt and cut deep when you told me

about you taking girls out nowhere special luckily.

i can't even look at another guy

the way i use to look at you

no one can ever make me feel

calm just by seeing them

just you.

i wish you felt plagued just like i do

it's not that i don't want to find someone else because i wish i could

it's just that i wont let myself

its 8.3 billion people in this world

but i only see you

who else knows me like you do?

no one.

i only choose you.

i know that we can’t talk anyways

you never call me

the phone works both ways

but i’m never the one who receives the call

no matter how many times i call

you won’t pick up

no matter how many times i text

you will only send a singular message back

neither of us will call

but only one of us will answer.

i feel like your idiot,

and the joke is on me.

what should i do?

what is life?

because one without you,

has no meaning.

i hate to watch you leave

walk past

as if you don’t see me

you hurt me the most,

but i love you more

why do you tamper with my emotions?

your presence makes me happy

i’m only met with your absence

but when i hear your name

my heart begins to race

then it stops beating.

i can’t imagine how long it’ll take me

to just stop grieving

i want to be perfect

but our relationship is too troubled

i love you so much

almost too much

i sit here seething

i can’t let you move on

i’m better than her

and i fully believe it.

you do too,

you’re in denial

you know i love you

you just act like you don’t see it.

i’m breaking myself down for you

i can feel myself drowning

but,

im willing to touch the trench for you

who else will you meet like that?

you’re ungrateful.

you will never forget me

your last memory of me

was me trying to fix us

i have nothing to worry about

i take accountability for everything

there is no revenge

as long as you never work on yourself

you’ll always be in the same place.

and i know you can do bad

all by yourself.

there is no revenge

one day you’ll be kissing her

and you’ll only be able to stomach it

if you pretend that it’s me

it may take only one encounter

you’ll remember every word i’ve said to you

and you’ll acknowledge everything

that you’ve done to me.

i wont be here with open arms

which is my only revenge

just to make you love me more

you don’t have to lie

you can stop trying

i tried to make myself enjoyable for you

trying to be worth your while

to no avail.

but

you just won’t let me go

even as

i’m trying to leave you alone.

why won’t you let me

please allow me

to let go of you.

will always come back

just when you thought

you have moved on.

i wish you would just let me go

as im trying to let go of you.

i spent a month

telling myself how talking to you

will never be worth it

you have shown me every time

that it is never worth it.

time has passed

it’s too late

it’s way too late for you and i

why won’t you just let me live?

just let me go

you know that i’m trying

i’m struggling

to let go of you.

and i nearly pass out

simply because i smell your scent

and i try to inhale all of it.

it’s the only way i can feel close to you

since you are so

so

so

far.

even when you’re right there

in my face,

you still won’t let me get too close.

i let you back in

with no hesitation

as if i’ve been sitting there waiting

the whole time.

i’m not even the one who did this to us

yet

im the only one who makes any effort

to fix whatever is wrong with us.

whatever is wrong with you.

that nothing

can pull me away from you?

i like when it’s cloudy

and i hate the summer.

it helps me

in thinking about you less

the sky can’t be beautiful as long as we’re apart.

only because rain, thunder

and negativity seems to follow you around.

yet

i’ll sit there with an umbrella

saying how it’ll stop soon

because i’ll get to see it.

i use all my energy on you

glass shards could be in my mouth

and i’ll find a way to say your name.

i could choke on my blood

and i will use the last bit of air

in my lungs

to be able to smell your scent.

its going to take a lot

to drag me away

from you.

i come back to you always

we always find our way back to each other

to and fro.

i just want you

to give me a reason

to give you one last chance.

it’ll never happen though

the hate i have for you runs deep

you gave me too much time

to sit and think

about every mistake you’ve made

it’s too late

there’s no making up

the hate comes from within.

i’m never enough for anyone

what karma am i experiencing?

to make no one want me.

no one remembers that

i should be the one they love

because

you “forgot” you had a girlfriend

no one realizes

that i always feel like im put 2nd

because

you never really valued me anyways

i should’ve known

it’s all my fault

all you ever did

was linger on your ex

it makes me want to cry

at how much i allowed

to get past me.

it is all my fault

i set this system up

to have someone so arrogant

deal with me the way they please.

one day

this karma of mine will be no more

it’ll be your turn

you’ll see that it should’ve been me

i pray you get everything you deserve.

could just disappear

yet they only fade away

i always knew

that one day you’d have to leave me

even when you come back to me

just for two weeks,

i know you gotta leave.

even when we lay together

and you hold me

telling me how much you’re sorry

and that you love me

when i know

you’re sleeping with someone else

i know you’re going to leave

i told you i didn’t care

because im more important anyways

you agreed and kissed me

i have no self respect

you said i needed to have more respect for myself

you said that as i was about to leave.

i’m no longer home to you

i leave this door unlocked

wide open

waiting for you

but

you won’t show up.

i hate that the one time you did

you closed it,

and locked it behind yourself

i want someone else to come in

just lose the key

throw it away

i don’t care

i’ll sell this house.

so you can never come back

and i can peacefully

live in the new one with someone else.

were you sent to humble me?

to be the weapon that forms against me?

it feels like it

why else do i have to endure

hearing all the excuses

and the lies

that you have to offer?

is this my karma?

god whatever it is,

please forgive me

i repent for all my sins

is this a hex?

i ask all of my ancestors

to forgive me

i don’t deserve this

and he doesn’t deserve me

i don’t deserve to have my feelings

hurt

nor taken as a joke

don’t respond to this

asking me what am i talking about,

once again not taking accountability

you’ve mistaken yourself

for the good guy

when you’re just the nice one.

even then,

you’re still mean to me.

you’ll come and tell me how i’m lying

but

a hit dog will holler

and i’ll watch you howl at the moon

that my life overlapped

with yours.

although,

me not being able to keep your forever

is more disappointing than anything.

i stop worrying about it,

and nothing matters anymore.

i know the earth

will continue to spin

and the sky will continue to stay blue

the sun shining so much

to where it’s blinding.

with or without us

standing beneath it.

on any day

on any terms

i still choose you.